双人 Incorrect Quotes

• AWhy is there a goat in the living room?

  BDefine "goat."

  AThe animal. Eating the curtains.

  BOh, that's Gerald. Emotional support goat.

  AFor who?

  BFor Gerald.

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• APlease tell me you didn't microwave a fork again.

  BI didn't microwave a fork again.

  AThank you.

  BI microwaved a spoon. Totally different.

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• AWhat are you doing?

  BMaking a fort out of couch cushions.

  AYou're an adult.

  BCorrect. So it has a mortgage.

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• AWe have one rule in this kitchen.

  BDon't set it on fire?

  ADon't set it on fire AGAIN.

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• AHow did you get on the roof?

  BAmbition.

  AHow do you get down?

  BThat's a problem for future Character B.

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• BI've decided to become a morning person.

  AIt's 4 PM.

  BI'm easing into it.

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• ADid you just high-five a pigeon?

  BIt started it.

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• AI have a secret. Want to hear it?

  BYes.

  AGreat, so do I. Goodbye.

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• AWhy is there a goat in the kitchen?

  BYou said we needed a lawnmower.

  AWe don't have a lawn.

  BThen the goat is a pet now.

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• AI'm going to sneeze.

  BDon't you dare, we're hiding.

  Character A sneezes so loudly that the lights turn on.

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• AWhat's the worst that could happen?

  BPlease stop saying that. Every time you say that, something catches fire.

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• AI found a shortcut.

  BThrough a river?

  AIt's a wet shortcut.

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• ADo you want the good news or the bad news?

  BGood news.

  AThere is no good news. I just wanted you to have hope for a second.

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• BDid you just put ketchup on cake?

  AI'm a pioneer, Character B. History will understand me.

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• AOkay, I'm going to say a word and you say the first thing that comes to mind. Ready? Pancakes.

  BLawsuit.

  AI'm not going to ask.

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• AI accidentally adopted a cat.

  BHow do you accidentally adopt a cat?

  AI made eye contact.

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• AI've been awake for 30 hours and I've never felt more alive.

  BYou're talking to a lamp.

  AThe lamp gets me.

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• ALet's do something fun tonight.

  BLike what?

  ARearrange every piece of furniture and then forget where we put the couch.

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• BWhy are you whispering?

  AThe fridge is listening.

  BThe fridge is not listening.

  AThat's exactly what the fridge wants you to think.

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• AI signed us up for a cooking class.

  BNeither of us can cook.

  AThat's why I signed up for the advanced one. Go big or go home.

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• AI need your help hiding something.

  BWhat did you do?

  AI bought another houseplant.

  BThat's your fourth this week.

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• AWhat if dogs could talk?

  BThey'd probably ask why you're like this.

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• AI've decided to become a pirate.

  BYou get seasick in the bathtub.

  AA land pirate, then.

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• BWho taught you to drive?

  AA racing video game and pure confidence.

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